Turn Back The Dial 4
The coolest thing just happened! I broke the glass cover off of my watch. At first I thought it was awful, but then I realized that I could turn the hands.
Imagine my joy as I realized that I could make it 11:30 again, and go enjoy another lunch. Meeting at 3:30? No problem, just turn the hour hand up to 6:00 and go home! I can sleep as long as I want as long as I turn it back to 8:00 when I get to the office. All my work estimates are now “five minutes”, and I complete them every time.
My coworkers have no idea the awesome power that I’ve gained with this one happy accident. They ask “what time is it?” and I say “what time would you like it to be.”
Of course the above is a total fabrication. Pretending it’s 6:00pm when it’s 8:00am isn’t going to do anybody any good at all, and is likely to make a mess of things for me.
But people still try to mandate velocity.
That’s brilliant. Until I read the last line, I was thinking “oh, what a silly funny story!”
Hahahaha. If only that could be real. Just like the power of Hiro in Heroes. Actually yours would be quite more powerful.
Can you send help to my wife? Her team was just given mandated velocity for their latest iteration.
It was double the previous velocity. Words do not do justice to the stupidity.
@Eric:
I have nothing but sympathy. I’ve had this discussion a million times, how velocity is a measurement that comes out of development, not an input that goes into it.
I got that from UncleBob, by the way. He said in my hearing that when you are trying to measure something, it’s counter-productive to put pressure on it.
I guess some people aren’t trying to measure what their team can do. In that case, a lot of “agile” is going to be lost on them.