It's a Poor Coach Who Slaps The Kids

Tim Ottinger — Mon, 16 Apr 2007 21:01:00 +0000

Today I was remembering a bit of advice I received back in the late 80s when I started trying to work with people more. I’d been a programmer for a while, and mainly survived by reading a lot and practicing what I read. I taught myself most of all the programming I knew (I did have some good mentoring peers). I wasn’t much of a people person.

A fellow named Kevin worked on a project with me in the DC area. One day he had the kindness to take me aside. He explained to me how to work with people. He taught me that when someone had an error in their understanding I shouldn’t tell them they were wrong, but rather tell them they were right except for the part where there was an error. He helped me more than he knows. We only had the one project together, and he went on to a different employer and I went on to become me.

He told me that a good coach doesn’t tear down his kids. He doesn’t tell they they stand like a sissy or throw like a girl. Instead, a good coach will let them know what’s right and what’s valuable about what they’re doing, and then explain what to add to their technique to get better results. And he doesn’t tell them everything all at once.

Now I’m a coach. I teach development methods, including agile methods, including TDD. I now work with people more than technology. I also work with a lot of other coaches from time to time. The best ones seem to intuitively understand when to criticize and how, and when to hold their tongues.

In the warm rush of enthusiasm and passion for the art of development, we coaches have to continually remind ourselves that it’s the poor coach indeed who slaps the kids around. We have to instead meet them where they are and look for ways to help them get the results they want.

Kevin’s lesson continues to teach.

"It's a Poor Coach Who Slaps The Kids" by George Dinwiddie

Mon, 16 Apr 2007 22:18:17 +0000

Tim,

Like you, I was late to learn lessons like this. I was straight on, tell it like it is. Hey, people want to know the truth, right? Just like in Henrik Ibsen’s An Enemy of the People.

I wrote up some of my thoughts in this vein in Efficient Don’t Work For People. I like your (or Kevin’s) advice, though.

Object Mentor Blog: It's a Poor Coach Who Slaps The Kids

It's a Poor Coach Who Slaps The Kids

"It's a Poor Coach Who Slaps The Kids" by George Dinwiddie